It has been a while since I posted last. My life is busy, what can I say? Last night my husband was complaining that he hasn't seen his wife. Our older girls just had birthdays which means the various annual/bi-annual doctor appointments--pediatrician, optometrist, dentist. In order to take them, I go in to work late and fortunately I can adjust my schedule and make up the time instead of using the litte sick/vacation time I have. I don't have much due to exhausting it when I had the baby. BUT that means I don't have time to breathe, let alone cuddle with hubby.

Anyhow, I digress. Work has been stressful as usual. The kid I spoke about who was going to court in my last entry did go to court and he was sentenced to 4 years. However, he was put in an early release program and he already has over a year served. His goal is to get his GED then go to college when he gets out. I believe he can do it. I knew he was leaving so I let him use a phone call certificate to call home. His mom was crying. He was trying not to. I was trying not to. He spoke with his brother, telling him how the streets aren't worth and to not let them destroy his life. This little brother has already had a visit with us and is struggling to stay out of trouble. His mom told him to thank me for helping him while he has been here. He told her to tell me herself and gave the phone to me. I don't deal well with crying kids let alone crying parents. It was everything I had to not let the tears start streaming down my face. I cared about this kid and what happened to him. Then he told me "I don't want to leave you, Ms. C." This has been his home for over a year. He is scared even though this is his second trip to youth services. He left.

I had another of my GED kids come in one day. I, of course, had left early to take my sick daughter to the pediatrician because her teacher thought she might have upper respiratory influenza, which another kid in her class had come down with. It ended up being a cold and a minor ear infection which he did not even want to give her antibiotics for. So frustrating. This kid came back to tell me he passed his GED and was enrolled in the community college. I am so proud of him.

We held the Official GED Practice Test. 13 youth took it. 4 passed. That is pretty good for our kids. One left for youth services the very next morning. Another was just here from youth services to testify. He was the A10 kid who got 4 years who I spoke of last time. He left the next afternoon. He was so proud. He called home and told his mom "I accomplished something big, Mom." One will be being released next week and he will take it on the outs. Another is taking a plea to do adult time and he will be doing it in the adult jail. I've already talked to the examiner.

I had to watch a kid get patted down and handcuffed by sheriff deputies yesterday. I have seen plenty of kids handcuffed and patted down, but not usually by cops. He was another GED kid who had gotten bound over. It was hard to watch. I left so I wouldn't cry.

On my way to my car the other day, I saw a cruiser from one of the better communities turning down our sally port street with a tiny kid in the back. I knew he was coming to us. I was right. The next morning I checked the court list and there he was. A ten year old in on domestic violence. I had just told someone the youngest I currently had was 12--I was wrong. But he did get released at prelims. We have another little one right now. He is twelve but a very little twelve and this isn't his first time here. He is so adorable you just want to squeeze him! I hate when I pull up admission sheets and the school listed is an elementary school. Jail is not the place for elementary kids.

A rough day

My plan today was to get the MAYSIs done (assessments to determine AOD, anger, depression, and such problems) and lock myself in my office to catch up on paperwork.  That didn't happen.  I only got 1 hour of catching up done.  B4, a very emotional child, needed attention as he always does.  At least there was no crying today.  (I don't deal well with crying.)  And I think he only apologized about three times today (MUCH less than normal--the apologizing really gets on your nerves he does it so much).  Today was day 84 for him, so he has been wearing on me.  I really wish he was not on B pod, just so he didn't have the urge to come in my office every time he noticed I was there.  I just can't tell them "no."  It is a goal of mine to say it more.  

A10, a GED youth, went to court today.  He has been in for almost 300 days.  He finally got permed.  He got 4 years, 3 years mandatory but already has close to a year served.  He is a really good kid.  He is always respectful to staff as well as his parents every time I get him to call home.  He is honest and hard working.  (Yes, honest.  He may be a criminal, but at least he is an honest criminal.  His big concern the last month has been that his mom would try to cover for him to get him off.  He kept telling her to tell the truth.  He understood what it meant, but he didn't want any lies.)  I spent some time talking to him when he came back from court.  His sister had called me to see what had happened so that was my excuse to get out of the room before I started crying myself.  But that did not good, I was close to tears again when I called her back and told her the results and update her on how he was doing.  

C8 is not coping too well.  He is also one of my GED kids.  He's been in the class since February.  He is about to have his 2nd bday since being locked up.  Then he goes to court week after next.  He is giving up and I don't know how much longer he can hold up.  Being with 11 other boys day in and day out is getting to him and it is getting harder and harder for him to keep from fighting.  I really hope he can get through the weekend without fighting.

Some Background

I have worked in juvie for about 5 years.  I am currently working as a case manager on a male unit.  A unit in our facility consists of 4 pods.  A pod is 12 cells (bed, toilet, and sink) and a common area.  Each pod has 12 kids.  On my unit, there is one pod for the "little boys."  These are kids ages 14 and under.  Most of my other boys are probable cause kids.  Probably cause means they are facing bindover.  If they are bound over [to the adult system], they will be tried as an adult.  Many of my kids end up being bound over or permed.  If they are permed, this means they go to the Department of Youth Services--"kiddie prison."    

My office is on a pod and I share a wall with one of the showers.  There are advantages and disadvantages of being officed here--Advantage:  I have quick access to the kids and they have quick access to me;  Disadvantage:  I have quick access to the kids and they have quick access to me.  

My primary duty as a case manager in this particular facility is to dial the phone [I assist/supervise them in using the phone to contact their attorneys, case workers, POs, etc.]--ya, a monkey could do it.  BUT, I try to be a little more caring than the common monkey.  I spend time with my kids and I care about them.  If they need me, I am there.  My other and most loved function is as the GED teacher.  I carried this duty over from my last position--Activity/Programming Coordinator.  It was my prerequisite for taking this job.  I started the class and I wasn't giving it up.  At one point, I had to fight for it--but I won........but that is a whole other story.

Why blog?  I decided to start this blog as a coping mechanism.  I love my job.  I want to be home with my biological children as a full-time mom.  We can't financially afford for me to quit.  I am not sure I could mentally give up my job.  I didn't think I would ever want to be a SAHM, but now I want to soooo bad.  I began working when our oldest was five months old.  I would have been working sooner, but it was a bad delivery and frankly, there were no jobs.  I went out on maternity leave 2 weeks before I had our second daughter (yes, we have ALL girls--no wonder I refuse to work with girls and insist on keeping my boys at work).  I went out 2 weeks prior because I went into labor at work at 31 weeks and I was put on bedrest.  I managed to stay pregnant for two more weeks before delivering.  She was in the hospital two weeks then I was home with her for 4 weeks.  I was fine going back to work.  With #3, it was different.  I went to 30 hours/week at 34 weeks.  I had been contracting since 18 weeks.  At 36 weeks, I went into labor while at work.  I delivered and she was in the NICU for two weeks.  I was able to stay out another 9 weeks after she came home.  It killed me to go back to work.  I was crying just as much as my 2 year old who crawled back to the car from the sitters porch as I got her sisters inside.  I have been back for almost 5 months and I no longer cry on the way to work or throughout the day, but I still would really like to be home with my girls.  At the same time, I love working with my boys.  I love working with them so much that I tend to get too attached, especially my GED kids.  I cry when they leave (I try not to do so in front of anyone).  I miss them when they are gone.  I need a way to deal with it, so hopefully this is it.  When most people see one of "my" kids, they see a criminal.  When I see them, I see children who made mistakes.  Children who can be rehabilitated.  Children I can help.  Children who have a hope. Children who have a future.  My husband is one of those who sees a criminal, so he cannot be my outlet.  I try to separate work and family, so I don't really socialize with coworkers, so they cannot be my outlet.  You are my outlet.

My goal--to positively affect the life of one juvenile.  To have one youth come back and say "thank you."  It is my theory that if you reach one youth, you have done your job.  BTW, we cannot have contact with the kids once they leave.  I do things by the book, so I don't seek or ask for contact, no matter how much I may want to.  No matter how great my desire to know that they are okay once they are out of my sight.  No matter how great my desire to know that they are still alive.